Tea Guy

After weeding through numerous of predictable emails from potential on-line dates and rejecting many “winks” I found one guy that had potential. He sent me a short and to the point email:

“I read your profile and I’d like meet you if you’re interested.” 

     The first thing I did after I read his message is what everyone who is dating on-line does, I checked out his pictures.  He looked great in his profile photo but not so great in the other three photos he posted.  It wasn’t a deal breaker though.  I guess one good photo is better than NO good photo.  Since he wasn’t repulsive, I went ahead and read the rest of his profile to see if he met my criteria.  His profile revealed that he was geographically desirable, age appropriate, employed and educated.  He sounded like a winner!

    

     I know my description of this guy doesn’t sound romantic but I wanted a real boyfriend.  In order to get one, I had to search strategically for an appropriate mate and he had to have more going for him than just a pretty face.  Trust me I love a pretty face just as much as the next girl but I’m done with all that drama.  Dating pretty face guys start out with fireworks but end up with me wanting to fill out a missing person report.  It’s really no mystery as to why they disappear.  Pretty face men have multiple women at their disposal so it’s easy for them to get distracted.  It sucks.

   

     This time, I searched for an average guy who has little charisma and a lot of heart.   Don’t get me wrong, attraction is very important but I have to be practical.  I need a man with substance and who is willing to date me and only me.  If that means he is not going to be drop dead gorgeous then so be it.  My goal was to meet a normal guy and this blond hair guy fit what I was looking for.

    

     I replied to his message and included my phone number.  No sense in doing the email thing for too long.  Email relationships are annoying and unfulfilling.  If he wanted to meet then he’d have to call me and ask me out like a proper man; which he did.

“This is sort of weird, don’t you think?”  He asked when he called later that same night.

     

      I wasn’t sure what he meant by “weird.” I would have asked for clarification but I didn’t want to be rude.

“It really is weird.”  I said then giggled out of nervousness. 

“You have a cute laugh.”  He said which made me more anxious so I giggled again.

      I must have sounded like a teenage girl or a mental patient.  Either way, I had to stop giggling and fast!

    

     I liked this guy.  He was very sweet, easy to talk to and a little flirty.   He asked questions about my career and my interests and he was actually listening.   It was refreshing to have someone genuinely interested in what I had to say.   I couldn’t wait to meet my soon to be boyfriend!

 “Where and when do you want to meet?”  I asked taking control of the conversation.   I didn’t want to get wrapped up in his charm before we met.

“How about Sunday afternoon at that tea bar on Farmington Ave?  They have a great tea selection.”  He suggested.

         

 This was the first time a guy suggested that we meet for tea but I was into it. 

                  

          “Sounds great!  See you Sunday.”  I said then ended the call. 

     

     I liked the way that phone call went and I was genuinely excited to meet Tea Guy!

                                                 *                *                *

     I ran through the questions I prepared in my head while I drove to the tea bar that Sunday Autumn afternoon. I had a lot riding on this date and I didn’t want to screw it up by not asking the right things.  Based on his on-line profile and our one telephone conversation, I knew that he was the right guy for me.  Now all I had to do was make this guy realize that I was perfect for him.

  

“Please look like the good picture.” I whispered to myself as I pulled open the restaurant’s door. 

     

      I scanned the nearly empty room and noticed a man that slightly resembled his profile photo sitting in a booth.  I knew he wasn’t going to be prettier in person but part of me hoped that his face would have magically changed.  It didn’t happen.

     

      I walked towards him with a fake smile and reminded myself that it wasn’t all about appearances.  I did my best to hide my disappointment and remembered that I was there to meet a decent man, not a pretty man.

      We greeted each other in the usual awkward half hug manner and he suggested that we sit outside.  I followed him to the back doors and noticed that he was really tall and I liked that.  He chose a table in the corner and our date began.  Well, it sort of did.

     

     We sat in silence as we read through the extensive tea menu.  I commented on the weather and he grunted.  I commented on the menu and he just smiled.  I started to panic.  One of us had to get this date rolling.  The silence was killing me! I thought back on our magical phone conversation to find a topic to talk about.

“Is this still weird?”  I asked.

“What do you mean by weird?”  He asked which stumped me.

     

     I wanted to say that HE was acting weird!  We are not talking and he barley responded to my generic comments.  He obviously didn’t remember our telephone conversation.  If he did than he would have known that he used the word “weird” first! I wanted to shake him and demand to know what he did with he guy I spoke with on the phone. 

                  

                  “The whole on-line dating thing.”  I replied thinking it was a safe answer.

                  “Not really. I’ve been doing the on-line dating thing for over a year now.  It’s not weird at all.”  He said. 

     

      Well, that was embarrassing.  This date was not going well and I think it was because he was just as disappointed in me as I was in him.  I wasn’t thrilled about my revelation but there wasn’t anything I could do except to make one last attempt to win him over.

“They serve a lot of types of teas here!”  I said enthusiastically.

“Yes they do.  I can tell a lot about a person based on the kind of tea they drink.”  He said proudly.

“Really?  That’s interesting.”  I said. 

    

      It really wasn’t interesting but at least he started to talk.  I hoped that we could get on track and maybe get over whatever it was that disappointed us and fall in love.

                 

                 “Yeah, it’s fascinating how right I am about the person every time.”  He said then asked a series of questions about tea:

                  “Do you drink tea at home?  What’s the most exotic tea you have ever tasted?  Did you know that you have to let the tea bag sit in hot water for at least three minutes before drinking it?” 

     

       I answered each inquiry with as much excitement as I could muster up.  He droned on and on about the correlation between tealeaves and the type of people who drink them. It was painfully boring.

“So, which tea are you thinking of trying?”  He asked while our server waited to take our order.

    

      I feared that my choice of tea would seal the deal for this guy so I began to panic.  The last thing I wanted to do was seem uncool to the Tea Guy.  I thought that he would storm out of there if I didn’t order something trendy.  What the hell is a trendy tea?  I couldn’t think under all this pressure. 

                  

            “I’m going to go with Earl Gray.”  I said to our server then snapped my menu shut.

“Don’t you want to try something more interesting?”  Tea Guy asked with a disapproving look. 

     

      I thought about changing my order but then I remembered that I was the one who will be drinking the tea and I wanted Earl Grey.  Besides, his tea theory was ridiculous and lame.

                  

                  "No, I don’t.”  I said with a smile.

     It became perfectly clear to me that I totally blew it with this guy but I was fine with it. I wanted to get out of there just as badly as he did but neither one of us knew how to do that politely. 

                  

            “What’s your favorite restaurant?”  I asked trying to make the remainder of our date tolerable.

“There’s an Irish place I love down the street from here.”  He answered. 

                  “I know that place.”  I said

                  “Do you know the bartender Anne?”  He asked

                  “Yes, I do know Anne.”  I replied

     

      His eyes lite up and his face turned red.  He started to breath heavily and beads of sweat appeared on his upper lip.  I waited for him to compose himself before I asked him how he knew her.

                 

                  “I met her at the restaurant but I run into her every time I go out.  She’s always so nice to me.”  He said still blushing.

                  “Are you dating her?”  I asked

                  “No, I’m not!”  He said sternly while he shook his head no. 

                  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to get too personal.”  I said.

                  “No, it’s ok.  I tried to date her but it didn’t work out.”  He admitted.

     

       He told me how much he admired her and how beautiful he thought she was.  He described her hair and how much he “loved” it when it fell in her face.  He also mentioned that he “loved” how petite she was and how much he “loved” her smile.  The way he talked about Anne was borderline creepy and completely offensive.  His blatant disrespect for me stung but I was able to contain my rage.

   He stopped talking for a few seconds to look at me. 

“I’m sorry.  I’m rambling.”  He said

“No, that’s ok.”  I said while shaking my leg under the table.

“I just need to tell you this one last thing about her but please don’t let her know I told you this.”  He said while he licked his lips. 

 “What is it?” I asked before I blew on my hot tea.

“Do you want to know what Anne wore at the cocktail party?”  He asked.

“Not really but it looks like you’re dying to tell me so go ahead.”  I said then sipped my hot tea.

     His creepiness quickly morphed into obsession right in front of my eyes as he started to talk about the cocktail party.  I noticed tiny veins pulsating on his temples when he asked if I knew what body paint was.  I nodded my head yes and waited to hear the rest of this crap.

                  “Anne has an amazing body.” He said for the tenth time then went into details about every inch of her perfect body. 

                  “How do you know so much about her body?”  I asked suspiciously.

                  “Because I saw it! I ran into her at that cocktail party where the majority of women walked around wearing only body paint, including Anne!”  He said.

                  “What do you mean?  Women walked around naked?”  I asked

                  “Yeah but the paint covered all of the important parts. It was thick paint so it was ok.”  He said.

                  “Thank God for thick paint!”  I said then called over our server.

                  “I’m sorry.  Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.”  He said. 

                  “Don’t worry about it.”  I said.  I couldn’t hide my disappointment any longer.

    

      I asked our server for our tab and she gave it to us right away.   Tea Guy picked up the plastic holder and opened it.  He took his time going over the charges before he placed the plastic folder with the bill facing up in front of me.  The total bill was $5.56.  I know this because he pointed to the total and suggested that I leave $3!

      I couldn’t believe this jackass!   I controlled my urge to slap him and cursed at him in my head.  I wanted to ask him if he was serious but I knew that I would have screamed it and I didn’t want to make a scene.  I didn’t have any issue with paying however, I did have a problem with the way he placed the bill in front of me!  I pulled out $3 from my wallet and placed it on top of the bill.  

“You know what.  Let me get this, you’re a cheap date.”   He said pulling the bill away from me with a stupid smile. I let out a fake laugh and thanked him.

  

      I couldn’t wait to get out of there!  He walked me to my car and casually set up another date.  I had no intentions of ever seeing Tea Guy again.

     I thought about my date on the drive home and wondered why this guy was on a dating site.  Clearly he’s in love with Anne.  He might have been trying to get over her but wasting my time wasn’t going to work.  What Tea Guy really needed to do was get off dating sites, find a good therapist and stop stalking Anne!