I'm Just One of His Girls

     I met this guy in an up scale bar in Newport RI one night. The bar was full of beautiful people and I prayed that he didn’t notice the tall blonde to my right. I needed to keep his attention!  His blue eyes were striking against his tanned skin and dark hair.  I’m not sure who approached whom first.  I do remember staring at his full lips as he spoke and wondered if he was a good kisser.  He told me that he lived in Providence RI but was in the middle of renovating a penthouse in Boston. He was charming (That’s right, I used the word charming) and so confident!  I hung on every word he said and came up with a few gems that kept him amused.

“You know, I’m pretty good at decorating.  I would love to help you if you’d like.”  I said.

     He didn’t answer me right away.  He looked me as if he was waiting for a punch line.  I wasn’t joking, I would have helped him decorate his new home.  I loved the way my condo in Connecticut was coming along. 

“Thank you but I’ve hired a professional decorator.”  He said

     Well, I didn’t see a road trip to IKEA in our near future but I did see myself sipping champagne in a penthouse!  I had to play it cool with this guy.  He couldn’t know how impressed I was.  He was beautiful, successful and available but I couldn't keep the conversation going.  I ran out of things to say so I threw in the towel.  I could tell that he was losing interest and quite frankly, I got tired of repositioning myself so he didn’t see that blonde.  This chance encounter was fun while it lasted.

           

            “Here’s my card.”  He said handing me his business card. 

            “I don’t have my cards on me. Here is my number.”  I said but he stopped me before I could give it to him.

            “Write down your email address on this.”  He said and flipped over another one of his cards. 

     I wrote down my email then handed him the card. This was a first, who asks a woman for an email address?  I thought for sure I was never going to hear from him.  My friends and I left the bar and debated the business card exchange.  We dissected the entire conversation for a week trying to figure out where I went wrong.  I never wanted to blow another opportunity to date an attractive successful man again.  I didn’t give up on him though.  I checked my emails every night to see if he would surprise me with a message, and one night he did!!

“Do you like the Red Sox’s?  If you do, I could get us tickets for a game this week.”  He sent.

 “Sure, let me know what night and I’ll meet you there.  Call me.” I typed and included my phone number.  

     I guess I didn’t blow it! I was given a second chance and I didn’t want to do anything to screw this up.  I knew that I needed to leave Connecticut early to get my butt in Boston on time!

    

     We met at a busy restaurant close to the Fenway Park and had dinner before the game.  We laughed and exchanged stories over drinks and French fries, it was a perfect night so far.  He was a really sweet guy, very attentive and considerate.  The one time he checked his watch, he noticed we were missing part of the game.  He paid the bill and we hurried out into the street.

“This way!”  He said as he took a hold of my hand and led us to the gate.

     I usually don’t like holding hands in public but this guy was HOT so I didn’t mind at all.  Everything he did was so romantic and I loved it.  We found our section then went to the concession stand for beers.  We continued to talk about our hobbies and he expressed his obsession with the Red Sox.  I thought it was adorable that he kept talking to me instead of watching the game.

“Should we go sit in our seats?”  I suggested. 

“Sure” He replied and handed me my ticket.

     We held hands, again, as we walked down the concrete steps.  The fans were out of control but I didn’t care.  My date was really tall and looked like he could protect me if he needed to. He stopped walking in front of a row of obnoxious guys. 

 

“Ok, you’re here and I’ll be a few seats down there.”  He said while motioning down a few rows.  

“Oh, we’re not sitting together?”  I asked. 

“No, I couldn’t get seats next to each other.”  He said.

“Take care of my girl.”  He said to the men that surrounded me. 

“We will.”  Replied a young guy who clearly had too much to drink.

      He gave me a big hug and slapped my butt before he walked down to his seats.  Once I settled in the drunken guys started to ask a bunch of questions. 

“Is that your boyfriend?  Why aren’t you two sitting together?  Want a beer?”  I tried to stay friendly as I answered each question but I felt like a sacrificial lamb.

     My date looked up a few times to make sure I was ok.  I smiled and waved a couple of times.  He could tell that I was actually having fun with these guys and I don’t think he liked that.  He walked up to check on me a couple of times and reminded my new friends that I was with him.  The guys really didn’t care about him; they were more concerned about the game.  They yelled a lot, high fived each other and continued to ask questions about my date.  They couldn’t believe that my date took me to a game and left me with complete strangers. I had to agree with them, it was odd.  One guy handed me a beer and that’s when my date walked up to collect me. 

“Put that beer down.  I’ll buy you one at the bar.”  He said.

     I chugged the beer behind his back and high fived everyone on my way out.  I’m pretty sure my date didn’t notice. 

  

   We watched the remainder of the game at a bar across the street.  He apologized over and over again and kicked up the public display of affection.  He brushed my hair away from my eyes, placed his hand over mine and complimented me.  I got chills. 

     The game ended and a million of fans walked into the bar.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him so I could hear him talk.  I hoped that he would kiss me but he didn’t.  We just talked until I told him I had to get home.  We interlocked our arms as he escorted me to my car, again, very romantic!  Natural, the next thing to do was kiss.  We were finally alone,  here was his chance!

            “Well, thank you!  I had fun.”  I said with huge smile.

    I swayed back and forth patiently waiting for the fireworks. 

            “You’re welcome.”  He said then shoved his hands into his pockets before walking away. 

     No hug or good-bye kiss! Not one comment about how much fun he had!  No plan to see each other again.  It was the coldest good-bye I have ever had!  He simply walked away and left me standing next to my car, alone.  Didn’t he WANT to kiss me?  What the hell!!!!

      I critiqued my date the whole two hours drive home.  It was a good night as far as I could tell.  We flirted, we laughed, we held hands so what happened?  Where was my good-bye kiss?  I refused to acknowledge the possibility that he might not be interested in me.  He had to be! I checked my emails as soon as I got home and noticed that he sent me a message.

            “Hey! I had a great time tonight and hoped that you would like to meet at the casino for dinner next weekend.”   He said.

     Ok, so he DID have fun tonight.  Thank goodness! I guess he was just being a gentleman.  That’s a good thing! This means that he respected me and wanted a relationship, right?  I went to bed happy and accepted his invitation in the morning.

     I met him at the casino the following weekend.  It was a Friday night and the casino was busy.  The restaurant, on the other hand, was slow but our table wasn’t ready.

“But our reservations are for 7pm.  It’s 7pm now.  Why isn’t it ready?”  He asked the hostess. 

“I apologize sir.  Please have a drink on us at the bar.”  She said with a smile.

     We sat at the empty bar while we waited for our  table but it was obvious that he was annoyed.  I asked him how the renovations were going to distract him from the situation.  He drew the layout of his penthouse on a cocktail napkin and described the tiles he imported from Europe.  I didn’t offer to decorate his home this time.  Pier One Import/IKEA décor could never compete with granite and original paintings from sought out artists.

    I waited for him to put his hand over mine or say something sweet to make me smile, like he did on our first date, but he didn’t.  I guess he was still respecting me so I didn’t read into anything.  Instead he continued to describe his new home and kept one eye on the hostess.  He was fuming over the table and it was not attractive.  The angrier he got the more I noticed other flaws.  For example, his pants were too short and he had a tiny hole in the seam of the shoulder area of his button down shirt.  Why would a man wear a shirt with a hole in it or pants that the cleaners shrank?   I couldn’t stop staring at that stupid hole as he complained about the restaurant.  I tried to focus on his pretty face but he excused himself while I was in mid sentence.  Now, the only thing I could focus on were his exposed ankles as he walked away.  He returned a few minutes later.

“Our table is ready, let’s go sit.” He said when he got back.

     He put his arm around my waist and kissed my neck.  I was surprised by his sudden display of affection and slightly embarrassed.  He then pulled out a twenty-dollar bill from his pocket and handed it to the hostess as we walked by.  I knew it was a twenty because he folded it in a way that the number 20 was facing up.  Oh, and he told me it was a twenty-dollar bill.

“Sometimes you have to spot a twenty to get what you want in life.”  He said loud enough for the hostess to hear.  I almost died!

     She walked us through the restaurant towards a half moon shaped booth.  I went in the booth first but wasn’t sure when to stop moving.  We faced the entire restaurant and the few people that were there stared at us.  I wasn’t comfortable and I asked if we could move but he ignored me. I tried to put some distance between us but he pulled me closer to him and rested his arm around my shoulders.

“Did you see what I did? I gave her a twenty so we can get the best table in the room.”  He said beaming. 

    Apparently the word inconspicuous was not in this man’s vocabulary.  Not only did this guy wave the cash before handing it over, he made a rude comment for everyone to hear.  And now he’s asking me if I SAW him behaving like a jackass?  That’s when it hit me; I didn’t like this guy.  This poorly dressed man was too pretentious for me. 

            “I did see that.”  I said trying to make light of an awkward situation.

     This date sucked.  First of all, we sat shoulder to shoulder.  I like to make eye contact when I talk to someone.  Secondly, he was a bragger.  This guy loved to talk about his career, his move to Boston and his plans for an upcoming vacation. 

           

            “Where do I fit in any of your plans?”  I asked.

     Now, I know it was too early for me to ask him that but I really wanted to know what this guy wanted from me.  It was obvious that he didn’t want a relationship.  It sounded like he was more interested in having a captive audience.  Tonight, I was the lucky girl who got to hear all about his fabulous life. 

 “We are going to split penne pasta and the veal.”  He told the waitress without consulting me. 

“It’s ok that I ordered for us, right? Right!”  He said smiling. 

     He didn’t give me time to answer.  Instead, he pulled out the napkin he took from the bar and continued to draw his penthouse.  I tried to be interested but he started to bore me.  He name-dropped every chance he got but I had no idea who those people were.  I was relieved when the waitress brought us our dinner. He could finally stop talking!

     I arranged the plates on our table and split the veal between us.  He pulled the utensils from my hands and proceeded to cut the veal on my plate.

 “What are you doing?”  I asked

“I’m cutting your food.  I like to take care of my girls.”  He replied.

     I wasn’t sure what to say or do.  I simply sat there, speechless, as he cut up my food.  I also didn’t know what he meant by “My girls.”  This was the first time in my life that a man cut my dinner for me or referred to me as one of his girls. 

“Do you want me to feed you?”  He asked while holding a piece of veal pierced through his fork. 

“Are you serious?”  I asked. 

“Nope.”  He said then popped the fork into his own mouth. 

      He then patted me on my head!  I wanted to punch him. Who does that?  What the hell was going on here? 

“Why did you just do that?”  I asked

“Do what?”  He asked.

“Pat me on the head!”  I snapped.

“I was just being cute.”  He explained.

“Well, it’s not cute.  Don’t do that again.”  I said

We sat in silence as I ate the bite size pieces of veal.  After dinner, he went ahead and ordered a chocolate flourless cake.  I’m not a big fan of chocolate; he would have known that if he asked. Again, he cut the cake into pieces.  This time he tried to feed it to me.  I pushed his hand away and shook my head.  This date was over so I pulled my phone out of my bag to check my text messages.

            “I’m well endowed.”  He said out of nowhere.

      Was it just me or was this statement a total turn off?  We were on a second date!  What woman wants to hear that crap from a guy she hasn’t even kissed yet? If he was trying to get my attention, he succeeded. I turned away from my cell phone to look at him.   

“Pardon?”  I asked.  It was the only thing I could say out loud that did include obscenities.

             “I’m so big, I can’t use condoms.  They are all too small for me.”  He explained.

     Oh my GOD! He was serious!  I wracked my brain trying to figure out why the hell he would tell me this!  I don’t remember asking about his anatomy.  We were eating in silence for the past ten minutes!  He must have noticed that I was completely uninterested in him and this was his desperate attempt to rope me back in. 

“You’ll see later.”  He whispered into my ear.

     I started to giggle so he giggled too.  It was all so crazy!  Why was he saying these things?  But then, it finally clicked! He just wanted to sleep with me!  I burst out laughing.  I did not like this guy so why would I spend the night?  Did all of “his girls” sleep with him? Did he forget that I was a human being and not just a plaything?  I didn’t care what he thought; I wanted this flood pants wearing blowhole to go away! 

“Stay the night.  I have a room.”  He said.

 “NO WAY.”  I replied. 

“Come on, stay.”  He said trying to seduce me with this freaky eye thing he was doing. 

“Thank you so much for dinner.  I really need to get going.” I said.

“It’s only 9:00.  Don’t you want to come back to my room to watch TV or something?  If you stay, we could get room service in the morning.”  He said.

     I wanted to tell him to give it up, it was not happening!  This guy didn’t want to date me; he just wanted to sleep with me and I am not prostitute!  Nothing that came out of his filthy mouth could ever entice me to stay. 

“I really have to go.  My friend is in a ditch. ”  I said and pointed to my phone.

“What?  Is she ok?”  He asked

“Yeah, she’s fine.”  I said as I picked up my bag.

“Let me walk you out at least.”  He said.

“That’s ok, really.”  I said as I exited the dining room.

   I got into my car, turned up the radio and finally stopped trying to figure out what I did wrong.  He just wanted to get laid; I guess it’s a compliment. 

      The meat cutter called me that night and left me voicemail wondering if I got home ok.  I sent him a text saying that I did and thanked him again.  He called me every day for three days.  I didn’t return any of his calls.  His last message was:

 “It’s me again.  This is my final call to you.  If you don’t call me back then you will never hear from me again.”

      He was right, I never heard from him again.