Boston Boy

           It was a sweltering summer day and I couldn’t wait to get out of my car and into my boyfriend’s air-conditioned apartment.  That’s right, I said it, my boyfriend.  I finally got one and his apartment complex had a pool! Bonus!!   

We met at a friend’s party in Boston and his interest in me was a complete surprise.  He was a few years younger than me and lived over an hour away so when he emailed then called me, I was a little suspicious.  What did this 6’2” Bostonian want from me?   After a couple of conversations and a few dates it became clear that he wanted me to be his girlfriend.  I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this title but what the hell, he was nice enough.  I was in!

“The air conditioning in my car isn’t working.  I hope the frozen blueberries I’m bringing for tomorrow’s poolside party survives.”  I said to Boston Boy as I sat in traffic on the Mass Pike.

“They should be fine.  I have to warn you, I’m a little crabby.”  He said

“I am too and this traffic isn’t helping.  Would you be ok if we stay in tonight?  I’m exhausted.”  I asked

“Of course.  I was hoping you would say that.  We’ll get take out and watch a movie.”  He said.

“Sounds good to me!”  I said and prayed that the traffic would let up.

Three hours later, I was sitting on Boston Boy’s couch and replying to work emails while he was on-line trying to claim a free movie.  He was having a difficult time and was very vocal about it.  For some reason, this genius couldn’t figure out how to claim a free movie. I suggested that he call customer service but he didn’t want to do that.  I suggested that we watch whatever was on TV and he whined that he earned a free movie and that he was going to claim it.  I offered to pay for the stupid movie but he didn’t want my money.  I didn’t have a choice; I had to ignore him to avoid an argument, just like a real girlfriend. 

I finally lost my patience when he let out an irritating whimper.  I wanted to shake him and scream  “ZIP IT!”  Instead, I asked him to walk away from the T.V, out of the apartment and get us dinner.  Thankfully, he left and I was able to finish my work, change out of my suit and pour myself a glass of wine.  Ok, I was officially ready to be a good girlfriend.  

Together, we transferred the food from cartons to plates and got cozy on the couch.  The food was pretty good but the red wine was crap.  I didn’t care though, I had a boyfriend and we were doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.  I didn’t think I would ever be this happy.  I have eaten in the finest restaurants, sipped on expensive wine and traveled to exciting places for dates (all things I love to do).  But there was something special about balancing a plate of food on my lap with this guy that trumped it all.   

Boston Boy cleared his throat while I enjoyed the moment.  I looked over at him to see if he was ok.  He had a smile on his face; which made me smile.  I finally got what I’ve always wanted and I was happy.

            “You know, you beat out a 24 year old.”  He said arrogantly.

            “Pardon?”  I asked completely surprised.

            “I could be with a 24year old girl right now but instead, I’m with you.”  He explained.

I put down my fork and took a sip of wine while I put my thoughts together.  I wracked my brain trying to remember when the hell I entered a contest to win this jackass of a prize.  I had so many questions and one of them was why would he want to ruin this?

“What are you talking about?”  I asked calmly

“Like I said, I could be on a date with a twenty-four year old girl tonight but instead, I’m here with you.”  He repeated.

            I remained calm while I thought of the right thing to say.  Clearly the perfect moment was ruined but I didn’t think it was worth breaking up over.  I decided to chalk this up to a guy saying something stupid until I noticed that he was still smiling; I couldn’t let it go

            “So, tell me about this girl.”  I said and I have no idea why.

            As he described this stunningly beautiful twenty-four year old blonde, I ran through the events from my day and what a pain in the ass it was to get to Boston.  I thought about the outfits I packed, the ingredients I lugged from CT to make the perfect summer cocktail and how excited I was about spending the weekend with my boyfriend.  I looked over at him again and watched his eyes dance as he talked about the twenty-year old.  I knew I couldn’t ignore this.

“By all means, if there is anyone in the world that you would prefer to be with right now, please go be with that person.  Don’t let ME stop you.”  I said

“Don’t be mad, it’s a compliment.”  He said

“A compliment?  What world do you live in that makes you think that any part of that statement would be complimentary? Saying I have pretty eyes is a compliment, not this crap!  How would you feel if I told you I TOO could be with a twenty-something year old guy?”  I asked.

            Our argument escalated and eventually I said “whatever” and dropped it.  I wanted to salvage my weekend and this relationship.  I knew that we would have our share of arguments so I guess this was our first fight.  I went into the kitchen to infuse the blueberries with Vodka then went to bed.  I was exhausted from it all.

            I almost forget about our fight the next morning when he asked if he could play golf with a friend on Sunday.  I told him that it sounded like a good day for him and that I would be able to get home early enough to have lunch with my parents.  Our second argument ensued.  Apparently, he wanted me to say that I would sit in his apartment and wait for him.  Well, that sure as hell wasn’t going to happen.  After an exchange of about a million “But Babes” he admitted that he never had plans to play, he just wanted to see what I would say.  Really!?!?  Is this what having a boyfriend is like?  Hurtful statements and insecurity games? 

My friends arrived while Boston Boy and I were fighting.  I was relieved to see them and no one knew that I was yelling only twenty minutes earlier.  I really needed a drink to get through the day and I was dying to try the blueberry cocktail I put together.

            “Is this a bad time to tell you that I don’t care for blueberries?”  Boston Boy asked as I handed him a glass.

            “Are you allergic to blueberries?”  I asked.

            “No, I just don’t like them.”  He explained.

            “Don’t drink it.”  I said as I pulled the glass away from him.

            He grabbed his glass and carefully sipped it.  He gave me his approval and I stopped myself from punching him.  It was over, all I needed to do was play out this weekend and lots of vodka was required.

My plan of getting drunk worked so I knew nothing could bother me now.  I didn’t even care when Boston Boy went shopping with my friend and me and freaked out when I bought an $80 dress.  He felt that the $80 should have gone into our retirement fund.  I was confused so he broke it down for me.

Apparently he didn’t like the fact that I “get” to retire before him.  The thought of him going to work while I stayed home in about twenty-five years upset him.  Seriously, he was visibly upset.  I’ve been working my ass off since I was fifteen years old and no one will ever tell me how to spend the money I’ve earned.  As for my retirement plan; I don’t see him living with me at an Assistant Living facility on a beach with a decent bar.  He’ll totally get in my way of staring at the ocean, playing bingo and flirting at happy hour. 

This was the final argument and it lasted the longest.  I didn’t care how happy I thought I was or how sweet this guy pretended to be; I was done!   After a couple of phone conversations and an awkward dinner it was over. I could have sucked it up and ignore the weekend from hell; at least I would still have a boyfriend.  Ahhhhh….screw it, no man is worth all of this aggravation.