Mustache Guy

            Once in a while I get lonely.  It’s not a bad thing it’s just something that happens from time to time.  Lucky for me I have friends like Jennifer to get me out of my rut. 

“You need wine and I’m free.  I’ll meet you in an hour.”  Jennifer said during our phone conversation.

“You’re right, I need wine and a pity party.”  I said and met her at our favorite bar.          

The restaurant was crowded but there were four open chairs at the bar to choose from.  First choice: next to a group of early thirty-year old guys sweating through their suits.  Second choice:  next to a seventy-year old grey-headed man with a jet-black mustache.  The sweaty suits exploded in cheers after something they saw on TV so we sat next to the Mustache Guy.

            “What am I doing wrong?”  I asked Jennifer.

            “Who the hell knows, maybe you shouldn’t be so available.”  She suggested.

            “Too available for who?  I would LOVE to play a stupid dating/head game with some guy right now.”  I said louder than I should have.

“You’re single?”  Mustache Guy asked.

            “Yes she is.  Do you have anyone for her?”  Jennifer asked.

           

            I tried to kick her but missed.  I knew where this conversation was headed but I couldn’t stop it.  He seemed harmless and he bought us a round of drinks so we politely included him in our conversation.  He asked why I was still single and I replied with my canned answer;  “I haven’t met the right guy yet.”

            I thought for sure he was going to tell me what I was doing wrong.  I thought he as going to tell me that I was too picky or that I should lower my standards.  I didn’t feel like defending myself tonight.  I wanted to have a drink with my friend and forget that no one liked me.  Mustache Guy didn’t dwell on my answer though instead he talked about himself.

           

            “You should have seen me when I was in my twenties.  I couldn’t keep the ladies away!  I dated two to four women at the same time and wanted to keep doing it but one of them got pregnant.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my son but that changed my life.”  He said

            “Your son got you to settle down?  That’s great!”  I said

            “Settled down? No way!  I didn’t tell her to get pregnant so she couldn’t tell me to stop dating!  I only had one girl on the side instead of four.  It wasn’t easy but it worked.  I got married to the mother of my son and we had more children but I never settled down!  I was wild and crazy then and I still am today!”  He said proudly.

            Jennifer and I sat there in silence.  There really wasn’t anything we could say and laughing was out of the question.  He bragged about his infidelity, fast cars and vacations.  I wanted to push him off his chair and I knew that Jennifer would have helped me.  Who does this jackass think he is?  More importantly, what sane woman would get involved with him and his awful mustache?  I was about to ask him where he found his ladies but he got up to leave.  We thanked him for the drinks as he walked behind us and I turned around to shake his hand.  He smiled and said it was his pleasure.  He then grabbed my hand to pull me closer to him and whispered something in my ear.  I thanked him as he walked towards the door.

            “What did he say to you?!”  Jennifer asked.

            “He offered to spank me.  He said he’s been thinking smacking my ass the whole time he was sitting there.  He told me where I could find him tomorrow night.”  I said 

            “Are you going to meet him?”  Jennifer asked

            “Doubtful.  I will say that my pity party is officially over.”  I said then took a sip from my glass of wine.