Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Yup, Another Blind Date


         Lisa was so proud of herself when she got Michael to agree to go on a blind date with me.  She met him at the hospital where she worked as an Occupational Therapist and immediately thought of me when he mentioned that he was single.  It took a few weeks but she finally convinced him to call me.  I had no idea this was happening.

            “He’s really cute and loves Italian women.  He was super excited to meet you when I told him you were Sicilian.”  Lisa said over the phone.
            “Why?  Does he expect me to make dinner?”  I asked
            “Hum, good question.  Who cares, just go out with him!  He is a doctor.  How bad could he be?”  She asked.
             "Fine, I'll meet him."  I said.

Lisa was relieved since she gave him my phone number earlier that day.  He called me a few hours after she told me about him.  
We talked a few times before our date.  He had a deep sexy voice and said the funniest things!  This guy had a lot of charisma and I couldn’t wait to see him in person.

He arrived at my home a few minutes earlier than he said he would.  Luckily I was ready and eager to go.  Lisa was right; he was really cute!  Standing at 6’3”, his blue eyes danced when he spoke and his wavy brown hair was flawless.  I thought for sure I would be in love with him by the end of the night.  We walked to his car and he opened my door like a gentleman.  I reached over to the driver’s side and shoved his door open just in case he was testing me.  We both laughed at my gesture then talked about movies.  He was shocked with I told him that I don’t like Mob movies.

“I don’t believe you! Who doesn’t like Mob movies?”  He asked
“Me.  I don’t like Mob movies.”  I said.
 “I want you to hear something.”  He said.

      He put in a CD and Italian music blared from the speakers.  It was ridiculously loud! I reached over and turned down the volume. 

“Don’t you like Italian music?”  He asked
“I like it, it’s just really loud.”  I said
“It’s the GoodFella's soundtrack!”  Michael said proudly. 
“Oh, I never heard it.”  I said.
“What do you mean?  It’s GoodFellas, the story of your heritage.”  He said
“You can’t be serious.  My heritage is not a mob movie.”  I explained.

            We drove around for about thirty minutes listening to the soundtrack.  I tried to talk to him but he was too busy singing his heart out.  I didn’t know what say or do. I tried to turn down the volume but he stopped me.

“I love this song….wait, wait, wait.  You have to know this one!”  Michael said as he turned the music up louder. 
I turned the music off to ask where he would like to eat dinner.  I could see that he was a little hurt by my actions but I really didn’t care.  Driving around all night listening to Italian songs isn’t my idea of a good date.

 “Can we just get something to eat now?”  I asked him. 
“I’m sorry.  Sure. Anywhere you want.”  He said.

            I suggested Sushi and we agreed on an Italian restaurant.  I didn’t care where we had dinner.   I just wanted 100% of his attention so I could learn more about him.  I was determined to salvage this night.

            “How long have you been at the hospital?”  I asked
            “About six months.  Where in Sicily is your family from.”  He asked.
“Meilli.” I answered.

     At first I thought that he was genuinely interested in me but it became clear that he wasn’t.

“Come on, tell me the truth. Is your family connected?”  Michael asked.
“Connected how?”  I asked
“You know.  The Mob.”  He whispered.
“Are you serious?”   I asked
“Yes, I need to know.  I find the Italian culture fascinating.  Especially Sicilians.”  He explained. 
“Contrary to what you’ve seen in the movies, not all Italians are involved with The Mob.”  I said. 
“I get it.  You can’t talk about it.”  He said
“There really isn’t anything to talk about.  My family is not involved with The Mob.”  I said.
“Okay.”  He said with a wink

            He asked one stupid question after another then quoted movie lines.  I must have changed the subject about a million times.  Sadly, he wasn’t getting it.

            “How many semi-automatic guns does your father own?” He asked.
 “OH MY GOD! SHUT THE HELL UP!!”  I yelled.

The waitress dropped off the check, he paid for dinner and we left the restaurant in silence.  He attempted to play his crappy soundtrack on the car ride home but I threatened to through his CD out the window.  I called Lisa as soon as I got home and strongly suggested that she NEVER fixes me up again. 

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Mustache Guy



            Once in a while I get lonely.  It’s not a bad thing it’s just something that happens from time to time.  Lucky for me I have friends like Jennifer to get me out of my rut. 

“You need wine and I’m free.  I’ll meet you in an hour.”  Jennifer said during our phone conversation.
“You’re right, I need wine and a pity party.”  I said and met her at our favorite bar.          

The restaurant was crowded but there were four open chairs at the bar to choose from.  First choice: next to a group of early thirty-year old guys sweating through their suits.  Second choice:  next to a seventy-year old grey-headed man with a jet-black mustache.  The sweaty suits exploded in cheers after something they saw on TV so we sat next to the Mustache Guy.

            “What am I doing wrong?”  I asked Jennifer.
            “Who the hell knows, maybe you shouldn’t be so available.”  She suggested.
            “Too available for who?  I would LOVE to play a stupid dating/head game with some guy right now.”  I said louder than I should have.
“You’re single?”  Mustache Guy asked.
            “Yes she is.  Do you have anyone for her?”  Jennifer asked.
           
            I tried to kick her but missed.  I knew where this conversation was headed but I couldn’t stop it.  He seemed harmless and he bought us a round of drinks so we politely included him in our conversation.  He asked why I was still single and I replied with my canned answer;  “I haven’t met the right guy yet.”

            I thought for sure he was going to tell me what I was doing wrong.  I thought he as going to tell me that I was too picky or that I should lower my standards.  I didn’t feel like defending myself tonight.  I wanted to have a drink with my friend and forget that no one liked me.  Mustache Guy didn’t dwell on my answer though instead he talked about himself.
           
            “You should have seen me when I was in my twenties.  I couldn’t keep the ladies away!  I dated two to four women at the same time and wanted to keep doing it but one of them got pregnant.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my son but that changed my life.”  He said
            “Your son got you to settle down?  That’s great!”  I said
            “Settled down? No way!  I didn’t tell her to get pregnant so she couldn’t tell me to stop dating!  I only had one girl on the side instead of four.  It wasn’t easy but it worked.  I got married to the mother of my son and we had more children but I never settled down!  I was wild and crazy then and I still am today!”  He said proudly.

            Jennifer and I sat there in silence.  There really wasn’t anything we could say and laughing was out of the question.  He bragged about his infidelity, fast cars and vacations.  I wanted to push him off his chair and I knew that Jennifer would have helped me.  Who does this jackass think he is?  More importantly, what sane woman would get involved with him and his awful mustache?  I was about to ask him where he found his ladies but he got up to leave.  We thanked him for the drinks as he walked behind us and I turned around to shake his hand.  He smiled and said it was his pleasure.  He then grabbed my hand to pull me closer to him and whispered something in my ear.  I thanked him as he walked towards the door.

            “What did he say to you?!”  Jennifer asked.
            “He offered to spank me.  He said he’s been thinking smacking my ass the whole time he was sitting there.  He told me where I could find him tomorrow night.”  I said 
            “Are you going to meet him?”  Jennifer asked
            “Doubtful.  I will say that my pity party is officially over.”  I said then took a sip from my glass of wine.