Living THE DREAM!!! fall 1997ish

      Dating in my twenties was so different than dating in my thirties.  I was young and naïve and didn’t think that little white lies were such a big deal.  One of those little white lies was pretending to love football. I don’t have a logical explanation as to why I fibbed about this.  The only stupid excuse I could come up with is desperation.  In my young delusional mind I thought that I could learn to love this sport therefore spend more time with my man.  This facade didn’t work earlier with an ex boyfriend.  I told him I loved football but he didn’t believe me.  He was a Giants fan but I never paid attention to the game.  Whenever my ex-boyfriend “had to watch The Giants,” I would complain and question his devotion to me.  What I should have done was sit my ass down and watched it with him.  At least I would have been prepared to lie to my next boyfriend.

“YES! I LOVE spending all day Sunday, Monday nights and Thursday nights sitting in front of a TV to watch a game!”  I told Pax (Also known as my biggest mistake) over dinner one night.

                  “Yeah? Who’s your favorite team?”  Pax asked.

Luckily for me he had on silver and black Tee shirt on with a picture of a football and the word “Raiders” splashed on the front of it.

                  ‘The Raiders, of course!”  I proclaimed.  He believed me.

     I met Pax at the gym.  He was that loud obnoxious guy that all of the girls tried to flirt with.  I played it cool and he eventually asked me out to dinner.  I made sure to say all of the right things that night so he would fall in love with me.

                  “WOW! That’s awesome! Not many girls like football and the ones that I’ve met who do watch football love The Giants or The Patriots.  You’re a one of a kind girl.  You’re the kind of girl I would marry.”  He said. 

     That’s all I needed to hear.  He wanted to marry me, a huge Raiders fan.  I learned a lot about the team in a very short time, I had no choice.  About two months into our relationship he invited me to The Meadows to watch a Raiders and Giants game.  I was excited and prepared.

“I would never ask a girl to a football game but you’re different.  I think you’ll have a great time.”  He said as he handed me a plastic shopping bag.

     I looked into the bag and eagerly pulled out an oversized Raiders sweat shirt.  I immediately pulled it on over the shirt I was wearing. 

“It looks great on you!”  Pax said while I posed for him.  My plan worked, he was falling in love with me.   

     Two years later I discovered other aspects of football.  For example, there are football fans and there are crazy football fanatics.  Pax was a crazy fanatic.  He yelled at the TV, throw things across the room and get into fights at bars all over a game of football.  I was shocked the first few times I witnessed his adolescent behavior but became accustom to his antics.  It was pathetic.

                  “Let’s go to California! We’ll go see a game in Oakland.  We could both live out our dreams, together!”  Pax said one Sunday afternoon still thinking I was a Raiders fan.  I’ve always wanted to go to California so I agreed.

   I insisted on staying in San Francisco instead of Oakland, he agreed.   Our hotel was near pier 39 and I wanted to get something to eat.  Pax wanted to rest up before the game.

“The game is tomorrow, why can’t we go out tonight?”  I asked after we checked into our room.

“I don’t want to be tired.  It’s going to be a long day.  We need to rest.  Don’t you want to be fresh for the game?  It’s not everyday that people get to live out their dreams.”  He explained, as he got ready for bed.  We went to sleep.

     The excitement on Pax’s face the next morning was annoying. 

“I want to make sure we have everything.”  He said while stuffing crap into a duffel bag. 

“What do we have to bring?  We are going to a football game.”  I asked him suspiciously.   “Be careful what you put in that thing, you don’t want to carry a heavy bag all day.  Besides, they are going to search that thing.”  I said trying to see what he was packing. 

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll carry it.”  He said as he finished packing then headed to the door.  He was determined to bring that bag with us.  At this point, I really didn’t care what he put into that bag.  I just wanted to get this day over with so we can eat on Pier 39.

“Come on, we have to catch the bus.”   He said with a big smile.

      We took a bus to the subway and the subway to the football stadium.  Pax made a few friends along the way.  He was having such a good time with his fellow Raider fans.  It was kind of cute.  When the subway stopped moving, Pax's face lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“Are we actually here?”  Pax asked out loud. 

“Yes we are my friend!”  Replied the guy behind us then they gave each other a high five. 

     As we stepped onto the platform Pax’s body literally started to tremble.  “Are you going to be ok?”  I asked him.

“Yeah.  How are you doing?  Are you just as happy as I am right now?”  He asked in a stoic voice.

“Oh, yeah.  Totally!”  I replied remembering that I was a Raiders fan too.

      We walked among hundreds of Oakland Raider fans.  I could see we were getting closer to the stadium so I got our tickets ready as we approached the entrance gate.  I couldn’t stop staring at Pax; I have never seen him or anyone else get this excited about anything before.  

“We are so close to living our dream.”  He said over and over again. I simply smiled.

     The security guys looked through Pax’s bag, looked at me then smiled before letting us through. 

“Why is security smiling?”  I asked Pax still trying to figure out what he put in that bag. 

“Don’t worry about it.”  He said leading us through the gate. 

     Once we got inside, Pax suddenly stopped walking and just stood there in silence. 

“Are you ok?”  I asked him.  It took a while but he shook his head yes. 

     He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into him.   With my face buried into his muscular chest, he took in long deep breaths.  He started to say something a couple of times but stopped himself.  I didn’t want to ruin this moment so I stood there in silence.  Minutes went by and the two of us just stood there, embracing, as people walked around us.

 “Pax, um, can we go in the actual stadium please?”  I asked him trying to peal myself away from him.  He eventually released me, rested his hands on my shoulders and gazed into my eyes.   It looked as if he was about to say something very important.   Then it hit me. He was going to propose! Maybe this was the moment he was referring to when he said he was living his dream.  I got so exciting at the thought of him proposing marriage to the love of his life in the one place in the world he loved.   My heart started pounding like crazy and my face beamed with joy. 

A voice in my head screamed; “ASK ME!! SAY IT!!”  While I stared back into his eyes.  He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and finally said; “Honey.”  Then paused for a moment.

“Yes.”  I sang trying to contain my excitement.  He stood quietly, looked at me lovingly and took in another deep breath.

“Are you ok Pax?”  I asked hoping he would propose already.  He slowly shook his head yes.

“I have to go to the bathroom.  I’ll be right back.”  He finally said then kissed my forehead before he walked away with his bag.  I was disappointed and confused.  Where was my proposal?  Didn’t he have a ring in that bag?  Is being at a Raiders game in Oakland really his dream?

     After coming to terms with the fact that Pax was not going to propose, I sat and waited for him outside the men’s room.  He was taking way too much time in there but I was fine with that. I needed to recover from the last fifteen minutes of my life.

   I searched the crowd for my boyfriend but I couldn’t find him.  Rather than pacing back and forth in front of the men’s room, I decided to enjoy the scenery and sat on a bench.  Even though I had little interest in this sport, I actually enjoyed watching the excitement on everyone’s face.  There were families and couples all having a great time getting ready for the big game. Laughter and chatter filled the air along with the smell of popcorn and French fries.  Watching people always entertained me but today it made me feel like I was a part of something special.  I had a feeling this was going to be a great day after all.

     I started to worry when thirty minutes went by and still no Pax.  I stood up and cupped my hands over my eyes to shield them from the sun.   A man whose walk was strikingly similar to Pax’s emerged from the bathrooms.  It could have been him but I didn’t think this person was MY Pax.   The figure started to shout out my name but I still didn’t recognize him.  You see this man’s face was painted.  Yes, I said it. He painted his face.  His left side was silver and the right was painted black.  In addition to the face painting, he changed into his “lucky” Raider’s gym paints, the ones with the multiple holes in the butt area. He also wore a football jersey with silver spikes coming out of the shoulders. 

“You’re mad.”  He stated when reached me. 

    I didn’t know what to say.  All that I could utter was; “What are you doing?” 

    Pax raised his arms up in the air, threw his head back and screamed as loud as he could; “I’m living the dream baby! I’m living the dream! WoooHoooo!!”  I didn’t want to ruin this man’s “Dream” so I didn’t say a word.

      He slapped everyone high fives as they walked by us.  He laughed and frolicked with the other Raider’s fans.  Some people even stopped to have their picture taken with him.  It was all so strange but not as strange as when he would shout out; “I’M LIVING THE DREAM BABY! I’M LIVING THE DREAM!”   It was about the fiftieth time that he screamed out those words that I mentally checked out and started to drink, heavily. 

     Once we found our seats and the game began, his fanatic behavior escalated.  It got so bad that he actually got into a screaming match with a woman.  I wanted to die.  Somehow the guys next to us got him to calm down.  The same guys were kind enough to point out the fact that Pax had painted the colors on the wrong side of his face.  You see, the silver was supposed to be on the right side the black was supposed to be on the left.  Well, that threw him into a tizzy. 

“Give me your mirror.”  He demanded.  I handed him my compact and held in my laughter.  “I MESSED IT UP!!”  He screamed.  “This is your fault!  I thought you were going to yell at me so I had to rush.”  At first I wanted to punch him in his silver and black face but then I realized that his mistake was the best revenge. 

“It’s wrong, it’s all wrong!”  He was devastated, I tried so hard not to be jerk but I could help myself.

“So, does this mean you’re no longer living the dream?”  I asked but he was not amused.  He did become quite though, for about five minutes.  I didn’t break up with him after this trip.  Maybe I should have.

The Ritz

     I met Donna at the reservoir Saturday morning for our weekly walk.  I look forward to our walks for two reasons: exercise and mental rejuvenation.   Like me, Donna is single and is searching for the perfect guy.  Sometimes we run dating scenarios by each other to make sure we don’t end relationships prematurely or prolong the inevitable.  Once in a while, we all need a supportive friend to help us through a difficult decision.  Today was one of those days.

     “How are things going with that new guy?”  She asked referring to the guy I was dating for the past three months. 

    “I think I have to end it.”  I said reluctantly.

    “Why?  I thought things were going well and I really like him.”  She said reminding me that she was there the night we met.  If it wasn’t for Donna’s desperate pleads to be her date for the fundraising event I would have never met him.

   

“I’m the one that encouraged you to date him.  He’s cute, age appropriate, very nice and he wore a custom made tuxedo.  There aren’t many guys out there that can afford to do that.” She said trying to convince me to stick it out.

“Didn’t you two go away together last week?”  She asked keeping the conversation going.

“Not really.  I was away on business for a few days and he met me there.  He set up a meeting with his colleagues at the same hotel.  I was surprised when he told me since my company put me up at the Ritz Carleton.”  I said trying to change the subject.  I started to describe my hotel room and all of the amenities.  I even talked about the weight room where I never stepped foot in.

    

     “I know all about The Ritz.  So tell me, what happened with him?”  She asked. 

     “I can’t tell you.”  I said

     “Why not?”  She asked

     “Because if I tell you, you would have no choice but to tell me to end things and I’m not 100% sure if I should yet.”  I said still stalling.  I promised myself that I would never repeat what I saw that night.  

   

    “Spill it.” She said then stopped walking.

    We stood in the middle of one of the trail for a few seconds as I contemplated telling her what really happened.  I’ve never witnessed anything that distressing in my life and I needed more time to process it.  The look on Donna’s face told me that I ran out of time.  She refused to move until I told her what I was struggling to say.

    

           “Fine, he used foot fungus spray!”  I blurted then buried my face in my hands in embarrassment.

“So? What’s wrong with that?!”  She asked while throwing her hands in the air.

“There’s nothing wrong foot spray if he sprayed his feet with it!”  I said which confuse her more.  I could see her trying to figure out the rest of the story.

“Where did he spray it?”  She asked quietly.

“He used it on his genitals.  He said that it helps with something but I couldn’t hear him over the screaming coming from my head.”  I said anticipating laughter or maybe some words of advice.

“How do you know?”  She asked fighting the urge to laugh out loud.

            “You would think that he would be smart enough to do something that gross in the privacy of the bathroom but he didn’t!”   I said.

            “I’m afraid to ask but I need to know.  How do you know he sprayed his junk?”  Donna asked eagerly waiting to hear the whole story.

“Ok.  So he took a shower in my room because his room wasn’t ready when he got there.  I sat on the bed and read through the pamphlets I collected from the conference while I waited for him to get ready for dinner.  He walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist.  He had a can of foot spray in his hand and shook the hell out of it while walking around the room.  He then proceeded to put his right foot on the bed in front of me.  I looked up to ask him something but I stopped when I saw him reach down between his legs and sprayed. I saw a huge white cloud escaping the confinements of his towel.  That alone was disgusting but then he shook things around to adjust himself.  I was shocked!”  I described the whole incident and I have to admit, it felt great talking about it.

“Well, that’s not proper Ritz Carleton behavior.”  Donna said apathetically.

“No, it really isn’t.”  I said agreeing with her.  "Maybe if we were dating a little longer or even started to fart in front of each other I wouldn't be this upset.  We haven't done anything that resembled longterm relationship behavior.  Applying foot fungus spray between your legs is not a way to break us into that."  I said trying to explain myself.

“How was dinner?”  Donna asked.

“We never went out to dinner.  I developed a headache and asked him to leave.  The Ritz has amazing room service though!”  I said.

            “I bet they do.  Have you talked to him since then?”  She asked.

            “Nope.  I think he was mad at me because I asked him to leave.  I probably could have gone to dinner with him but I just couldn’t get that image out of my head!  I think it’s over.”  I said

            “I think you might be right.”  Donna said before suggesting that we go out for drinks later that night.  

The Average Looking Guy

   My friend Lisa called one summer night.

     “We are renting a house on Block Island for a week.  Are you in?”  She asked.

     “How would I get there?”  I asked.

     “What do you mean? The ferry!”  She said.  “Get a prescription or something.  You’ll be fine, it’s only a thirty minute ride from Point Judith, Rhode Island.”  She continued knowing how much I dislike boats.

    “Ugh!! A Ferry? Really?  I’m not sure what scares me more, potentially drowning or vomiting.”  I said reminding Lisa of my fears.

    “Tell me again, what happened last time you were on a boat?”  She asked

    “I felt like I was going to die.”  I replied

    “Did you?”  She asked.

     “No.” I answered quietly.

     “That’s what I thought.  Suck it up lady! It’s going to be fun.”  She said. 

     My schedule didn’t allow me to take an entire week off from work so I agreed to meet the girls midweek.

   “I’m going over with Michelle and Jen.  Kelly is taking her truck so she’ll pick you up at the dock Thursday.”  Lisa said

   “Perfect! I’ll see you all Thursday afternoon!”  I said after our plan was finalized.

    I started my workday extra early that Thursday but I still ran late. The plan was to change out of my wrap around dress and four-inch heels between sales calls but that didn’t happen.  After a productive day of sale calls I arrived at Point Judith wearing my professional outfit instead of the cute shorts and T-shirt I planned on changing into.

   I yanked my suitcase from my car and hurried to take my place in line.  I towered over the people wearing flip-fops and I was envious.   My feet were killing me and I knew that I looked pretentious standing next to everyone.  I felt compelled to explain my attire to the cute guy behind me.

    

    “I wanted to change but didn’t have time.”  I said but he didn’t seem interested.

    “You’re up.”  He said and that was the end of my poor attempt of small talk.   

    The next ferry wasn’t leaving for over an hour so I rolled my suitcase over the gravel road and into the restroom. I freshened up my makeup, pulled my hair back in a ponytail and stuck a motion sickness patch behind my ear.   I read the instructions on the patch’s insert and it said to place it behind my ear four hours prior to the trip.  I was a little concerned but reminded myself that I was fine during my last boating excursion.  I stuck the patch on anyways figuring it was better than not wearing it at all.

    I was about to change into my vacation wear but a group of high school girls walked into the bathroom.  The annoying giggling was somewhat tolerable but the screeching and hugging got to me.  I walked out still wearing my dress.  I could have changed into my flip-flops but that would have looked ridiculous.

  I still had time to kill. I bought an order of French fries from a run down shack and sat on a bench near the docks. 

  

    “May I sit next to you?”  Asked a man carrying a huge bucket of fried food. 

    “Of course.”   I said moving my suitcase to make room for him.

     “How long are you going to be on Block Island?”  He asked between bites.

     “Through the weekend.  What about you?”  I asked The Average Looking Guy and that’s when the innocent flirting started.

     “How can you walk in those shoes?”  He asked smiling.

      “It’s not easy but I think I do ok.”  I replied.

       “Yes you do.  I noticed you pulling your luggage everywhere while wearing those things with out spraining and ankle.  I’m impressed.”  He said which made me laugh.

    

    The conversation wasn’t overly stimulating but pleasant enough to keep me engaged. We talked about the weather and traveling, like I said, nothing exciting.  He asked if I wanted to meet him for a drink while I was on Block Island.  He wasn’t drop dead gorgeous but cute enough to meet for a drink.  I gave him my cellphone number before walking towards the ferry.

   We separated while boarding the ferry but I knew he wasn’t far. I took a seat inside the vessel then strategically moved my dress to expose my crossed legs. I pulled my IPOD out of my bag and glanced over to my new friend.  He was checking me out.  I was happy.

    The ferry pulled out of the dock and I was on my way. I felt a little sleepy but ready to join my friends and party like a rock star!  My mind started to wonder as I stared out of the many windows but a soft tap on my shoulder got my attention.

    “Mind if I sit with you again?”  The Average Looking Guy asked.

    “Not at all.”  I said smiling.

    He was sweet and seemed genuine.  The longer we talked the more attractive he became which was a pleasant surprise.  I was having an intelligent conversation with a guy with some substance.  This was refreshing!

    Everything was going well with this guy.  We talked, laughed and listened to each other’s songs on our IPODs.  But then, the boat took a drastic dipped and so did my stomach. 

“What the hell was that?”  I thought. I didn’t want to alarm my new friend so I ignored my desire to scream and concentrated on every word he said. 

     “Are you ok?”  He asked

     “Yup, I’m fine.”  I lied.

     About three minutes later, the boat took another dip and a wave of anxiety washed over me.

     “What the hell was that?”  I whispered.

      “Excuse me?”  He asked.

      “Nothing, I’m sorry.  What were you saying again?”  I asked trying to regain control of my emotions.    

 

    He continued to talk about something but I couldn’t follow him.  I was seriously concerned about the remainder of this trip. Just as I talked myself out of shrieking, the ferry took another huge dip.  I couldn’t ignore it anymore.  I needed air.  I reached down to my lap for my IPOD and wrapped the wire around it before placing it in my bag. 

     “Will you excuse me?”  I asked as politely as possible.  He asked me if I was ok but I didn’t answer him.

    I got up slowly and gracefully walked towards the door.  My goal was to get outside without making a scene.  I reached the door and gently tugged on it, it wouldn’t open.  I looked back at my The Average Looking Guy but he moved back to his own seat and proceeded to read a newspaper.  I pulled the door a little harder but it still wouldn’t move. The panic I suppressed the last fifteen minutes finally over took me.  I felt my heart pounding and my body broke into a cold sweat. I needed to get outside and fast. 

    I grabbed the handle to the door with both hands and yanked on it like a mental patient, it just wouldn’t open! I turned to the family sitting next to the door.  With the look of desperation on my face, I grabbed the shoulders of the closest man and looked directly into his eyes.

    “For the love of god, you have to help me!  I can’t open the door.  PLEASE open it before I throw up all over your family!”  I pleaded as saliva pooled in the corners of my mouth.

He jumped up and pulled the door handle but he couldn’t open it either.  He looked at his children and then at me, in horror.

 

     “The latch is hooked on the top of the door!! Unlock the top latch and get her out of here!”  Screamed a woman from the back of the ferry. 

    “GOT IT!!”  Said the father of three.

   

    He flung open the door and shoved me outside.  The wind felt so good on my face and I thought that I was going to be ok.  I was wrong.  The ferry took another dip and I threw my upper body over the railing.  The fries I ate an hour earlier exploded all over the ocean along with my dignity.  I hoped that no one noticed, especially my potentially new boyfriend. 

    I wanted to get back inside to flirt with The Average Looking Guy again but I needed to be sure that I was going to be okay. I stood outside for a few minutes and loved the way the wind felt on my face.  I struggled to keep my dress away from my head and then it hit me.  If the material of my dress is surrounding my head, then what is covering my body?   I reached behind me and felt skin. I freaked out! I looked down at myself and noticed that my dress wasn’t covering as much of my body as it was when I walked on.  It was mortifying!! I grabbed a hold of my dress to pull it down but the boat took a sudden plunge and I threw myself over the side again.

     Once every ounce of fluid left my body, I revisited the issue at hand, my dress.  I franticly pulled it down but the wind wasn’t’ cooperating.  My pretty wrap around dress was staying on by a flimsy string and the only thing I could do was to curse like I’ve never cursed before!  When I pulled the front of my dress closed the back of my dress flew up.  I wasn’t sure what upset me more, exposing my thirty eight-year old cellulite covered butt to the world or vomiting like a loser.

    It wasn’t easy but I somehow managed to tuck my dress between my knees, which kept it from flying up.  I prayed that no one saw me.  I looked so pretty and put together when I walked onto this social death trap. I even met a nice boy who I could see myself dating.  I hope that this debacle of a trip didn’t turn him off.

  “We’re almost there!” A man yelled from the door.  I gave him thumbs up but I didn’t turn around for two reasons. 

#1 I didn’t want to lose my balance and fly off the ferry

#2 I didn’t want to flash everyone again.

    A few minutes later, I felt a tap on my back.  I thought for sure it was The Average Looking Guy.  A comforting smile or even a soft embrace from him would have been nice.  It was a struggle but I managed to smile before turning around.   I was disappointed to find an elderly man standing behind me instead of The Average Looking Guy.  

“May I come closer to you?”  The seventy-year old man asked while waving a bunch of napkins.  I nodded “yes”.

“Don’t be embarrassed.   This happens to a lot of people.”  He said trying to make me feel better. 

“Did everyone see me get sick?” I asked while wiping my face with a napkin.

“Well, yes we did.”  He replied then handed me bottled water.

“Did anyone see anything else?”  I asked

“Yes.  Yes we did but don’t worry about it.  It’s really not a big deal” He replied which made me laugh.

 “Yeah, right!”  I said then turned back towards the water and started to dry heave.  He threw his jacket over me to keep my dress from flying up. 

   The elderly man was kind enough to stay outside with me for the rest of the trip.  He tried to make small talk but I couldn’t hear him over the wind. I was able to hear him ask about The Average Looking Guy.

    “I would never let my wife get sick alone.  You might want to get rid of that boyfriend of yours.  He should have been out here with you.”  He said sounding like my father.

    “I just met while waiting for the ferry.  He’s not my boyfriend.”  I explained.

     “Oh good! You deserve a real man.”  He said smiling. 

   

    He was right! I do deserve a real man.  If the tables were turned and The Average Looking Guy was getting sick, I would have been right there by his side.  Ok, so maybe not exactly by his side while he was vomiting but I would have handed him napkins when he got done. 

   

   We finally docked on Block Island and I went back in the cabinet to collect my things.  My new boyfriend disappeared but the elderly man didn’t leave my side.  I couldn’t thank him enough as we walked towards the street.  I assured him that my friend would be there shortly and that I was going to be ok.  He wished me well then left me sitting alone on a bench.

     Kelly pulled up ad honked the horn. I climbed into the truck, quickly. 

“What the hell happened to you?” She asked

“Don’t worry about it, just get me to the house.  I need a nap.” I said. 

“Did you throw up?  Oh my GOD, you did!!”  She said while laughing hysterically. 

“It wasn’t pretty Kelly, I feel like I’m going to die.” I said.

“You were on the water for only 30 minutes! You seriously got sick?  Didn’t you get that patch thing?”  She asked along with a million of other questions between laughter.

I couldn’t help but laugh too.

            “Kelly, seriously, get me home.  I need to lay down.  I don’t think I’m going to make it out to night.”  I said while sticking my head out of the passenger side window. 

“You have to rally! It’s your first night here and you have to catch up to us.”  She said. 

“Really Kelly? Does it look like I’m in any condition to catch up to you guys?”  I asked.  “You’ll feel better after a nap and a shower.”  She assured me. 

   

   When we got to the house I marched inside and headed up to a bedroom.

“Hello! Ewe! You are taking a shower before we go out, right?”  Lisa asked.

 “Shut up.”  I replied as I crawled up the stairs.

            “What the hell happened to you?” Michelle asked when I walked into the bedroom we shared.

            “You look awful.” She continued as I slithered into the bed and buried my head into my pillow. 

“Is the room spinning?” I asked Michelle

“I need this room to stop spinning.”  I said while pealing the worthless patch from behind my ear and closed my eyes.

  

      My friends were right.  I felt a million times better after a long nap and shower.  We went out that night and had a blast!

     The Average Looking Guy didn’t call me that weekend or any other weekend.  I really can’t blame him. I said that I would have stood by his side if the tables were turned but I lied.  We only knew each other for a total of forty-five minutes before I mooned everyone on the ferry.  Vomiting can forgiven but Indecent exposer is a difficult thing to over look.