My motivation

I started to write down stories from my dating life when I was thirty eight.  It wasn’t my idea; everyone I talked to suggested it.

I am the token single girl in my group of friends but I didn’t always hold this title.  I was involved and even engaged in my twenties.   My goal was to be married by the time I was thirty and have my first child at thirty one.  It looked like I was going to achieve this goal when I got engaged at twenty eight.  It wasn’t until a year later and six months prior to my wedding that I realized that I couldn’t go through with it.  I just couldn’t picture spending the rest of my life with an alcoholic.

Canceling the wedding wasn’t easy but I never regretted doing it.

I knew that I was going to date a few rebound guys before meeting the right one.  I also knew that I was a good catch so it wouldn’t take me long to find a good guy.  I was thirty and ready to date, how difficult could it be?

Lots of changes took place in my early thirties.  I bought a condo and moved to a new town in Connecticut.  I made new friends and remained close to the few people who didn’t judge me.   “You’ll find him in no time!”  I heard over and over again from many people.  These optimistic and loving people were wrong.  Before I knew it, I was in my mid thirties and still single.

My friends wanted to hear all about my dates.  I didn’t want to disappoint them so I only shared my good dates which weren’t many.  The sad truth is that a few of my dates didn’t go smoothly.  Actually, a lot of my dates were downright crazy.   A man cut up my dinner into bite size pieces for me in a restaurant and another kept hundreds of dead tropical fish in his freezer.  Like I said, some were crazy.  I couldn’t imagine this happening to another woman.   I thought for sure I was giving off a weird vibe that make men behave offensively.

I analyzed my bad dates to figure out where it all went wrong.  I was too embarrassed to talk about them with anyone so I struggled with my little secret alone.  My friends frequently asked who I was dating and I would down play the craziness.   After a series of bad date, I told my friends that I was taking a break.  

After months of no dating stories, my fellow single friends began to worry about me.  They asked probing questions until I broke down.  I cautiously started to tell them about the disastrous events.  My friends wanted examples so I shared a few of my disturbing stories.  I anticipated pity or words of encouragement.  What I got instead was laughter and stories of their own bad dates.  It was such a relief knowing that I wasn’t alone; many people have been on a bad date!

I needed to know why I’ve had so many bad for so many years.  I decided to discuss this with my therapist.   She usually sat quietly while I described a date and then we analyzed it together.  This went on for months.

During one of my sessions, she struggled to stay professional.  I looked at her as I told her that my last date started crying during dinner in a busy restaurant.  She couldn’t help herself; she burst out laughing.  After she collected herself, she turned to me and said; “You have to write down all of these stories and have them published.  I haven’t met anyone who has this many hilarious dating stories.  You have to share them.”  

So, I thought about it and decided that she was right; I have to share my experiences.   What you are about to read are the dating memoirs of a forty year old woman...