My first "Mature" date-The Attorney

    Being an outside sales representative in the medical community allows me to meet people everyday.  My favorite part of my career is developing genuine friendships with the people I see on a consistent basis.  In order to achieve that bond with my customers, I need to disclose personal information about myself.  For example; my marital status. 

   I don’t run into my customer’s offices and yell out I’M SINGLE!! That would be weird.  I reveal this information through casual conversations over a period of time.  The typical reaction or statements from my customers are:

“I can’t believe you’re still single”

“There has to be something wrong with you, what is it?”

“You must be too picky”

     My generic response to these questions is; “I just haven’t met the right guy yet.” 

A lot of times my customers change the subject but once in a while I get; “I have the perfect guy for you!”

    That’s what happened one Monday afternoon.

  
   “He’s older than you, I think he’s about fifty.  He is an established attorney and a very sweet guy.”  My customer said describing the man she desperately wanted me to meet.

   I was thirty-three at the time and only dated men my age.  It never occurred to me to date someone older.  As my customer continued to talk about The Attorney, the wheels in my head turned.  The thought of dating a mature man sounded appealing.  I found that the men I dated close to my age kept their options opened.  It seemed like they were looking for something better to come along.  Not to mention the fact that settling down was the furthest thing on their mind. 

    I interrupted her description by shouting, “I’d LOVE to meet him! When can you set it up?”  I startled her with my eagerness but I didn’t care.  I assumed that an older man might be interested in a relationship and maybe open to marriage someday.

     My customer gave The Attorney my phone number shortly after I left her office.  He called that same afternoon.  We talked for a few minutes before he invited me to dinner. 

    We met at beautiful restaurant overlooking the Connecticut River.  It was a Thursday night and the place was crowded.  He requested a quite table with a view of the water and we got it.

    “You look gorgeous!”  The Attorney said after the hostess sat us at our table. 

    “Thank you.”  I sheepishly replied unsure how to complement him.   He was far from being gorgeous but I couldn’t tell him that.  He looked odd but I couldn’t tell him that either.

    “You look nice.”  I said which wasn’t a total lie. 

    He wore a sharp suit and his overall appearance was well manicured but the first thing I noticed was his tan.  Well, the more accurate description would be his orange tinted face.  It wasn’t his worst feature though.  He had thinning hair and his poor attempt to conceal it distracted me.  The comb over barely covered the orange glow that illuminated from his head.  I wanted to ask him if he was aware of how bad his fake tan looked but I didn’t want to be rude.

    The waitress handed us menus and I focused on it intently rarely lifting my head.  He asked me what looked good and I answered; “The house salad.” 

    “What do you mean?  What does it have in it?”  He asked

    “Pine nuts and pears.”  I said.

    “I have Diverticulitis.  The pine nuts will kill me.  What other types of salad do they have?”  He asked.

   

   Having spent many years in the medical industry, I knew what Diverticulitis was so I didn’t ask any questions.  Instead, I looked for items on the menu that would not cause him to run into the bathroom.  Each time I described something on the menu he informed me that it was a trigger for his illness.  It was obvious that he wanted to talk about it but I just didn’t want to hear it.  It felt like I was having dinner with an elderly man who wanted to disclose when he had his last bowel movement.

    “It’s not that I don’t like what you’re suggesting, my body can’t handle it.”  He said before describing his last episode.

   “I was in the bathroom for hours.  I can not tell you how much pain I was in as I sat on the toilet!”  He said shaking his head from side to side.   I was speechless. 

   “Read me something else.”  He requested so I obliged.  After his next rejection I suggested that he reads the menu himself.

   “I can’t.  I left my glasses in the car.”  He explained.

    “Why don’t you get them?”  I asked

   “Because I don’t want to wear them.  They make me look old.”  He said just as the waitress approached our table to take out order. 

    “What do you suggest?”  The Attorney asked her.  She made a couple of recommendation, which he didn’t like.   She looked at me looking for assistance but I couldn’t help her. 

    “Just give me a steak.”  He said as he handed her the menu.  I ordered the salmon and a glass of wine. 

    “What do you think?  Do we make a great couple?”  He asked the waitress before she walked way,

    “Excuse me?”  She asked as her voice trembled.

    “Me and her.  What do you think?”  He asked motioning to me.  His question made her visibly uncomfortable and I felt bad for her.

    “We look great together!”  I proclaimed and reached over to touch his arm.  The waitress let out a sigh of relief before she walked away.

    “I have a boat.”  He announced while we waited for our food.

    “Really?  That’s nice.”  I said.

    “Yup, a big boat.  I’d like to take you out on it someday.”  He said with a smile. 

His teeth were shockingly white and freakishly big.  I immediately commented on the river to hide my startled reaction.

  

“I knew you’d like this place.  I take my boat on this river all the time.  You will love it!”  He said still smiling.

   “I’m sorry but I don’t really like boats.  I get sea sick easily.”  I said.

    “You’d like my boat.  It’s different from boats you have been on.”  He said.

     “Does your boat float on water?”  I asked

    “Of course.”  He replied.

I sat quietly trying to think of a way to tell him his boat wasn’t anything special without hurting his feelings.

    “Well, what do you think?  When can I take you out on my boat?”  He asked again.

     “I don’t think you’ll get me on your boat.  I’m sorry.”  I said just as the waitress brought us our dinner. 

    “You’d come on my boat wouldn’t you?”  The Attorney asked the waitress.  She just giggled and asked if we needed anything else.

   “See, girls love boats.”  He said proudly.

  

    The Attorney inspected the plate of food in front of him then proceeded to describe his illness again.  The image of The Attorney sitting on a toilet popped in my head.  I couldn’t shake that disturbing picture.  It was confirmed, I never wanted to see this guy again.

    The next hour creped by but I got through it.  He talked about his boat and told me stories that took place years ago.  At one point he raised his hand looking for a high five.  I’ve never high fived a man at dinner before but I didn’t want to keep him hanging.  As I slapped his hand I knew that I could never come back to this beautiful restaurant.

 I thanked him as he walked me to my car. 
   “It was really great meeting you.”  I said extending my hand to shake his. 

    “It was great meeting you too.”  He said leaning in to give me hug.  I didn’t want his orange skin to touch mine so I stepped back and said;  “I don’t hug on the first date.” I jumped in my car and waved to him as I drove away.